Sunday, December 1, 2013

life just hit me in the face

it has totally been a few months.
Its been a crazy few months for sure.
there is just seriously so much going.
i don't even know what to think.
but i feel like my mind is always running.
but i don't really know what i am thinking about.
I have so many mixed feelings going on!
Its crazy, i graduated from hair school.
1.I am now working at the gatehouse and nannying!
i love nannying. i wish it could be my life career serious though, its my favorite thing ever. You want to know why? because being loved by a little kid... is honestly the best feeling in the world. Every time i see there sweet smiling face just makes me so happy!
I think it keeps me distracted from that fact that nick is gone. its really weird. Lately it has felt so much harder then any other time. I think it has felt just the same as when he left.
Really i have no clue what to do about it. i Feel like a hopeless little girl hiding in a 19 year old girl body. Its like i am screaming for help, but i don't let anyone in.
Also i think its just hard because i feel like me and nick are not that close... i don't know how to bring us closer. its really hard cause the distance kills you! I seriously never thought it would be this hard without him.
i guess that just shows how much i love him,
But i can do this. Only 11 more months! that is so short!
Also 23 days till i get to talk to nick.
Which will honestly be the best day ever! i cannot wait for christmas!
I hope that it will be normal, like its like we have never been apart before? you know?
But i guess we will just see. 23.


peace 
out 
girl scout