Monday, March 10, 2014

What We All Want

Its true all we really want is love.
but just not any kind of love.
as much as we hate to admit it, we want the gushy cheesy bring me flowers,
tell me i am beautiful, and call me names like honey love.
We all want it.
As much as we say we don't we do.
Its even harder when you have had it, then its gone.
Because you think you will be fine, which usually you are.
But then there is just that one night where you realize how much you miss it.
You try to tell yourself that it is going to be okay and that you will figure things out.
But you really just don't know.
Then there is times where you really like someone,  and you just wish that they liked you as much.
You want them to want you as much, you hope that it will grow over time.
So you spend more time with them and just fall even harder.
Why can't it just be easy.
I miss everything about "us" and how everything was, but i just know its never going to be the same.
Which is really kind of sad, because most people said we were so great.
Its crazy to see how much people can change over time, what it can do to a relationship.
what distances can do to a relationship.
i just miss the idea of being in love.
i just want someone to want to call me when they get excited about something new.
i want someone to bring me flowers randomly.
i want them to know my favorite candy and bring it to me just because they know its my favorite candy.
I want them to kiss my forehead.
i want them to give me that look in the eyes.
i want to catch them looking at me in the corner of my eyes.
i want them to say " this is my girlfriend"
i want them to get jealous if i hang out with other people, because they want to be hanging out with me.
i want them to call me, babe, honey, sweetheart.
i want them to care about me just as much as i care about them.
i want them to be all in.
most of all i want them to want me.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

just a blah...

My mind has seriously been running all day.
i really just shouldn't worry about it at all.
I just have so many mixed feelings going on i just seriously don't know what to do about it or how i even feel.
Because i just don't know how to say it.
I wish there was no games in life.
It seriously would make everything in life so much easier.
people wouldn't get hurt as much and we wouldn't have to deal with stupid things to happen in relationships.
I wish god could just show us our plan so we knew exactly where we were going, but we all the know the truth to that.
But isn't that why we came here, to go through struggles to figure out what we want in life.
I guess that is the truth of it. That life is hard and we wish things could come easy, but we know they aren't going too.
And the minute you stop chasing what you want in life it suddenly comes a lot easier than we think.
So i really just need to stop chasing because maybe it is chasing after me and i didn't even know it.

Monday, January 13, 2014


People are just so annoying sometimes.
Seriously i just don't understand why people are so afraid to ask things.
like if you have a question don't just talk about it to someone else, just ask me it really is that simple.
Why can't people just be real with each other.
People are seriously so afraid of the truth, because they can't handle it.
Just grow up and suck it up. Sometimes it sucks but you already know the truth so what is so scary about actually hearing it.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

life just hit me in the face

it has totally been a few months.
Its been a crazy few months for sure.
there is just seriously so much going.
i don't even know what to think.
but i feel like my mind is always running.
but i don't really know what i am thinking about.
I have so many mixed feelings going on!
Its crazy, i graduated from hair school.
1.I am now working at the gatehouse and nannying!
i love nannying. i wish it could be my life career serious though, its my favorite thing ever. You want to know why? because being loved by a little kid... is honestly the best feeling in the world. Every time i see there sweet smiling face just makes me so happy!
I think it keeps me distracted from that fact that nick is gone. its really weird. Lately it has felt so much harder then any other time. I think it has felt just the same as when he left.
Really i have no clue what to do about it. i Feel like a hopeless little girl hiding in a 19 year old girl body. Its like i am screaming for help, but i don't let anyone in.
Also i think its just hard because i feel like me and nick are not that close... i don't know how to bring us closer. its really hard cause the distance kills you! I seriously never thought it would be this hard without him.
i guess that just shows how much i love him,
But i can do this. Only 11 more months! that is so short!
Also 23 days till i get to talk to nick.
Which will honestly be the best day ever! i cannot wait for christmas!
I hope that it will be normal, like its like we have never been apart before? you know?
But i guess we will just see. 23.

girl scout

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Just a SWEET love STORY...

they are the cutest couple in the world...... 
and my grandpa is so madly in love with my grandma. 
they are the sweetest people in world. 
i wish i was born in the 50's. 
look at how cute they are... just so madly in love.
one day i hope to be like this cute couple
to find the one i want to spend the rest of my life with... 
and be just as sweet as this cute couple here. 
i love you guys. see you one day again. :) 

Tuesday, August 27, 2013


hi miss you.
430 days to go.
my love.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Say hello to my Little friends i call Dall & tiff

This is the reason of my title. meet my best friend dallas.
Yes this girl is gorgeous right? if only you knew her like i do. 
So for some odd reason sometimes i can't sleep through the night. i really have no clue why... 
but it happens to dall all the time. So i know i can always text her. ha So i texted her and well she was awake... so we decided to make a denny's run at 1:30 in the morning its the best time to go anyways. 
So we went to denny's and we ended up just talking and catching up! 
Dall is that best friend that you honestly could tell anything and she would never judge your or anything. She seriously just listens and tells you what she thinks. 
She always has the best advice ever. 
Tonight we were just talking about how everyone is leaving on missions... 
It is just crazy to me how much we have changed over this past year.
Its crazy to think that tiff is going on a mission in 6 weeks! 
Tiff is one that fills the whole and started this whole friendship. 
short story ready go.
tiff was my best friend... she was dalls best friend, well we all just started hanging out.
And look at us now. 
Thats tiff down there. yes i have gorgeous friends! 
a little bit about tiff! She is the funniest girl you will ever meet.
Ha when you get the three of us together we can never stop laughing.
She seriously is the glue holding are laughter together.
This girl seriously is amazing.
She honestly gives the best dating advice in the world and always just knows things are going to work out. This woman calms me done and makes me have fun!
Then there is me...
No to much about me, i just always was the one that drove us around town...
late night taco bell and denny trips of course..
So we could party the night away.
Also we always slept at my house....
 I was the mom of the group
 i always made pancakes in the morning.
It is just nuts to me that us three can look like those pictures up ^^^^ there......
when we used to look like this a year ago...
Time totally makes you look better. Haha.
But the truth is that is when we are having the best time... is looking like that.
I love these wonderful Chicka's with all my heart!
i Know that know matter were we go in life we will always come back and find each other one day!
Thanks for being the best friend a girl every ask for! i love you girls so much!
I always got your back.
its 4:20 a.m.
i should